In our eternal quest for tone, we here at IHG Labs have created a slew of unique one-off effect pedals. These units have been kept under lock and key under heavily-enforced secrecy until now – secrecy so secret that we were careful to not even label the controls. Or differentiate one pedal from another. This might have been a mistake.
Now IHG Labs throws its doors open to you, the reader/tone-seeker, with the introduction of the IHG Nostalgia, the one pedal we were able to open and examine the circuit of before we lost our screwdriver. Now, as we all know, music is tangibly better when it reminds you of a treasured memory. So using the latest in digital-replicating analog technology, the Nostalgia emits a strong RF field which reads the biorhythms of the audience and tailors the pedal’s response in order to invoke different levels of nostalgia in each audience member, thus making your music perceptibly better to each and every one of them.
The First Beer circuit reaches into the listener’s memory and stealthly makes a wax paper copy of the brainwave profile experienced when the listener drank their first beer. The First Beer knob superimposes this brainwave profile onto the input signal and amplifies it as much or as little as desired – from a vague reminiscence to uncomfortable flashback to a full-blown intervention. It gets pretty uncomfortable.
The First Grope matrix secretes sexual pheromones into the air which remind the listener of the first time a member of their preferred gender got their hands on the listener’s goodies. Don’t turn this one up to 10 unless you’re Prince. R.I.P.
The Early Stuff knob triggers an endorphin rush which convinces the listener that the music you’re making is every bit as good as your first couple of albums. If you hold down the bypass switch, the First Beer and First Grope circuits are run in series into the Early Stuff circuit and fed back into itself through a feedback loop to set off extremely complex emotional chains. The kind of stuff that will keep your partial-reunion tours running for decades.
The IHG Nostalgia will be available in September 2023.